THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP

THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP

“With every true friendship we build more firmly the foundations on which the peace of the whole world rests. Thought by thought and act by act, with every breath we build more firmly the kingdom of non-violence that is the true home of the spirit of humanity.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Friendship is an affectionate relationship between two or more people, and is present at different stages of life and in different degrees of importance and significance. If we look at the origin of the word, we see that it comes from the Proto-Indo-European (PIE) root Pri-, which means "to love". In Sanskrit the word Prema, which obviously comes from the same root, also means Love. In addition, Romance languages speak of friendship as Amistad, Amicizia, Amitié, all of which come from the root Am-, as Amor, Amore, Amour, which means Love. Thus, a friend is someone who loves you. Furthermore, the root Pri- is connected with the Indo-Germanic root Fr-, which we find in the German word Fried meaning Peace. So, a friend is one you can trust will not wage war on you. It follows that a true friendship is at the basis of peace, and can develop into an intimate and even spiritual heart-to-heart rapport.

We certainly can all agree that "a true friend is one who is with you at times of difficulties, in times of sorrows, worries, and problems, without ever leaving you and follows you just like your shadow. A true friend should be with us at all times – in times of both joy and sorrow, profit and loss." [1] Yet a similar friendship is rare and not easy to find. This is why it is worthwhile to ask oneself how to identify someone as fit to be “a real friend”, and what are the most important aspects to take into consideration.

Sathya Sai, the founder of the SSEHV programme, advises students to choose their friends very carefully without jumping into relationships that do not have the right premises for the cultivation of a sincere and lasting friendship. He advises them to take time, and only once they recognize a good friend to go ahead and be friends. It is a mistake to take someone as a friend merely because they say ‘hello’ and you say ‘hello’. These are mere acquaintances. Before making friends with the people we meet, we need to know their background, the kind of habits they entertain, how they behave and if they are respectful and disciplined. He says:

“What type of people are they mixing with, what type of company are they moving with? If they are mixing with bad company, do not even look at them. If they say ‘hello’, answer ‘goodbye’ and leave. Such friendships can be harmful and dangerous for you”. 

Sathya Sai – July 8, 1996

It may seem exaggerated to observe the traits of others so attentively, but it is important for children to realize that there are risks in frequenting people who are wayward and have negative tendencies. Moreover, they need to know that to place one’s trust upon someone who says one thing and does another is likely to cause problems.  A good friend’s character is consistent and trustworthy, deeply established in human values and makes you feel safe and secure. Such a friend shines with purity, cultivates unity of thoughts, words and deeds, cares for you, respects you for who you are, and supports you at all times.

“To find a friend you need to be one”

The famous adagio “to find a friend you need to be one” reminds us that the same character traits we search for in others, upon which a true, lasting friendship can be erected, should be our own; we need to practice many human values, among which sincerity, tolerance and forgiveness. Friendship is like a tree that can gift us with flowers and fruits, but we should fertilize it with trust, water it with respect and kindness, and daily expose it to the luminous rays of understanding, affection and gratitude. While doing so we should keep in mind that our friends count on us in the same way that we count on them.

Even so, there may be times in life when even our closest friends will be unable to support us, times in which despite of their presence, we feel alone. This is why we should help children understand and experience that our most important friend is God, who is our innermost Self. To cultivate a dialogue and friendship with God is the best thing that can happen to us. Divine Love is pure and selfless and can confer inner Peace and Self-confidence.  God alone is our only true friend and will never forsake us. “I am your best friend,” said Krishna to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita. “I live in your heart as your Conscience.” (Bhagavad Gita, Ch.9.18). Jesus has also declared: “You are my friends if you do what I instruct you.” (Gospel of John, Ch. 15.14).

[1] Sathya Sai – July 8, 1996