THE VALUE OF DISCIPLINE

THE VALUE OF DISCIPLINE

The Value of Discipline

When trees are young their trunks are fragile and roots are tender. If no one is there to tie them to a post they can bend over, grow twisted and break with the first gust of wind. It is essential to learn how to support young trees if we want them to grow upright, vigorous and strong. Their trunks will one day have to carry the weight of a crown of branches and leaves, and their roots hold the whole tree into place, just like an anchor.[1]

This beautiful metaphor ushers us into the crucial field of child discipline, whose purpose is to offer support, by lovingly enforcing limits during the tender years of the child’s life. Rules and regulations foster good habits and encourage character development which is why it is a must to learn to observe them from an early age. 

Throughout the process parents and teachers can be compared to knowledgeable gardeners, who care for and nourish their plants with enthusiasm and love. They need to be vigilant and alert to correct any behaviour, attitude or conduct at the first upshoot of “an infesting and undesirable weed”.

However, what is most impacting is our own example. When an adult is consistent in expectations, and seen as a role model of self-control, commitment and compliance to rules, eager to carry out his/her duties with enthusiasm and joy, children associate discipline with something wholesome and positive.

To help children understand that the respect of directives and social norms protects from harm or injury, and upholds good human relations, is a process of love and law. Discipline without love can cause suffering and pain, whereas rules need to be clearly and lovingly explained. It is essential for children to grasp the meaning of the rules, as this encourages them to make an effort to comply to them, improve their manners and build good habits. 

“The teacher should not try to rule through the easier means of fear, for that is full of dangerous consequences to the pupils. Try the path of Love”. 

- Sathya Sai Baba (25.11.1959)

This overall process enables children to grow upright, vigorous and strong, until they are ready to hop on their bikes and ride through their lives; we will then bid them goodbye with confidence and a feeling of safety, for we know – to use another effective figure of speech— that they have learned how to use the brakes! Freedom and discipline need to be balanced, and a good tool in this procedure is dialogue, as an opportunity to grow together.

Discipline and Human values

When we think of discipline, we often connect it with obedience, and a set of strict rules that need to be followed. Some people feel that raising one’s voice is the only way to get children’s attention, make them listen and obey. Others tend to avoid discipline altogether, with the result of spoiling the children by being overly permissive.  Discipline without love and love without discipline are both undesirable.

The meaning of “discipline”, refers originally to “studying, learning, training and applying a system of standards”, as the root word of discipline is discipulus (from Latin), which is related to “instruction and training.” Additionally, it is derived from the root discere — learning based on proper discernment.

By exploring and practicing the Human Values of Truth, Right Action, Peace, Love and Nonviolence, children first train their minds, second learn to keep their senses in check and third build the habit of listening to the Wisdom of the Heart. These three very important aspects of constructive discipline lead them towards its true goal and purpose: self-regulation and self-government.  To know how to set rules and limits for oneself and to follow them diligently is an essential life-skill.

As children learn to abide by the guidance of their core values, integrating them through daily practice, the natural outcome is clear thinking, a sense of order, self-control, and character, manifesting as unity of thought, word and deed. And as they reach a stage of maturity, they realise that these highly beneficial character traits do not correspond to what “others want from us”, but to what “we want for ourselves”. The benefits are many: a balanced style of life, good planning and time management skills, the ability to follow a daily routine, integrity and satisfaction. Moreover, by doing what is good for self and others, Self-confidence, well-being and inner happiness are boosted. Result? Self-discipline becomes a conscious choice!

Value-based disciplinary approaches

“True discipline cannot be imposed. It comes from our own Inner Self.” - Dalai Lama

There are many tried and tested responses when it comes to lack of obedience and indiscipline, that do not necessarily need to revert to grounding or other means of punishment. These include a series of value-based corrective exercises, and strategies meant to reinforce Human Values through the process. It is important to listen to the children’s explanations and reasons behind their misconduct, so that a corrective measure may be consistent with the issue, and geared to help them reflect on alternative behaviours in similar situations.

In the book “To Teach, Not to Punish”[2], dedicated to a Human Values approach to discipline, the authors offer many examples of corrective exercises that are not only inspiring but enlightening. One such example describes the corrective consequence of answering back. It suggests that after having dealt with the matter, the child is asked to rewrite the dialogue from the other person’s point of view. This means reflecting on values such as Empathy (Love) and Respect (Right Action), and can be explained like this:

“I would like you to reflect on this experience and imagine yourself as the other person who is receiving these comments. How would you feel?” Two further options can be added:  a. “Write six ways that could help you become more patient. Circle one you would like to start trying NOW. What do you do to make this become a reality? Write a personal prescription designed to improve your patience.” b. “Draw a picture of yourself being impatient in this situation. Draw yourself in the same situation, but being patient”.

Value-based disciplinary exercises highlight how by focusing on the positive outcome the response to indiscipline turns into a hands-on training process in which children build awareness, improving attitude and behaviour. At the same time, it triggers concentration skills, new thinking processes and an intimate heartfelt bond with Conscience. Discipline is not an end in itself, meant to make the child submissive of the parent/teacher/adult. It is a path and leads the child towards good conduct, and should emphasize goals such as respect for oneself and others, fairness and a sense of duty.

Discipline: the practice

“A child can be expected to behave well only if his parents live by the values they teach”.

- Bruno Bettelheim [3]

Children imitate what adults say and do, and adults must set an example. When parents carry out their duties joyfully, the household beams with order, respect and good vibes! When they love their jobs, do not complain about their schedules or workload, and share their appreciation of the challenges they may encounter, children are motivated and inspired to enforce their own stamina and spirit of dedication.

The home is where discipline begins, by seeing how others adopt it, practice it and are capable of respecting both a regulation coming from the “outside”, dependent on one’s routine schedule at home or at the workplace, and from the “inside”, where one’s sense of discipline and duty are regulated by the love for what we do, and the will to achieve good results.

A good example of how these two partake in the same process can be seen when children learn to play the flute, piano or guitar. They need to practice diligently every day if they wish to succeed in learning what they have set their heart on. It is the joy they derive from endeavoring to achieve their goal that motivates them. Love and law are both necessary when it comes to our own self-discipline, too!

Another example of how we can practice discipline is by applying the ‘Ceiling on desires’ programme, designed to curtail excess desires and avoid wastage of food, money, energy and time, dedicating our savings to a noble purpose. By limiting our own desires and unnecessary wanting we learn self-control and realize that we are able to respect and safeguard our resources, and by broadening our perspective from “I to We”, we become gradually more accountable for the sustainability of all forms of life.

Discipline: the road to Self-realisation

Discipline is the rule of life. Everything in Creation is governed by principles and natural laws. Planets follow their path and orbit, the Earth rotates around its axis, the Sun rises and sets every day, the Moon respects its 28-day cycle, humans, animals and all organisms, animate and inanimate, respect some form of intrinsic discipline to secure a state of harmony with self and one another.  

Should our body temperature exceed a given limit, we get ill. Should planets fall out of their paths and orbits, collisions are unpreventable. Lack of rule and discipline inevitably bring about an imbalance which, in the long run, brings about disorder and even ruin, unless we run to the rescue to re-establish a harmony by readopting the appropriate patterns. In the same way, respect of social norms and moral conduct, regulate respectful and dignified human relations, promoting good cooperation, order and Peace.

“Two things awe me most, the starry sky above me and the moral law within me.”

- Immanuel Kant, Critique of Practical Reason

Discipline is the tool which sets the pace, molding and shaping the child’s character. Its prime role is to help us learn to channel the potential, the talent, the unique gifts we are endowed with at the time of our birth, that need to be cared for and cultivated in life; a process which opens up for us naturally, as we learn by living. When it is coupled with values, we become more participative in building the character traits we need, an attitude which enriches us with deeper awareness and growing understanding.

By consciously improving our self-effort, determination and capacity to discern and discriminate, we strengthen the very roots that hold the “tree of life” into place, and master skills such as concentration, orderliness, method, self-observation and self-control. These Human Values, and many more, will continue to grow and blossom into the willingness to accept surrender and self-sacrifice as part of our discipline, when prompted by a sense of duty and dedication.

The overall process of discipline, which begins with the tutorship of parents and teachers and matures into self-discipline, prepares children to apply it one day for the achievement of a higher aim and goal: Self-Knowledge. This goal can be attained by following a path of constant and dedicated discipline in thought, word and action, and by being humbling subservient to a deeper yearning: the fulfilment of the true purpose of life, Self-Realisation.

 

QUOTES

“The secret of discipline is motivation. When a man is motivated enough, discipline will take care of itself.”

Alexander Paterson

“A child who has become master of his acts through long and repeated exercises, and who has been encouraged by the pleasant and interesting activities in which he has been engaged, is a child filled with health and joy and remarkable for his calmness and discipline.”

Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child

ROLE PLAY

Use the metaphor of the tree that is tied to a pole with a tutor to help children understand the sense and meaning of discipline. Then have fun acting out this role play:

Take turns playing the part of a farmer, a young tree and the wind. The first scene shows the tree falling down when the wind starts blowing because the farmer didn’t tie it to a post. The second scene shows the plant tied to the post. It is healthy and happy, and growing straight thanks to its support.  How do the farmer and the tree feel? Make up the dialogue!

When you are done discuss the meaning of discipline with your friends and why it is a form of support. Have you ever felt like the little tree bending in the wind? Who represents the farmer for you? What kind of wind could make you grow crooked?

 

THE MIRACLE OF PERSEVERANCE

A story on Discipline, adapted from the book “Stories and Anecdotes from the Ancient World” by Chares Sakellariou (Greece).

The waves come gushing and rushing, the one after the other, breaking on the shore of Phaleron. The eighteen-year-old boy – pale-faced and weak-looking – is sitting on a rock, staring at them absent-mindedly. From time to time, he turns his gaze towards Athens, sighing deeply. The sun is slowly bending towards the west and, in no time, sinks into the waters of the Saronic Gulf. It is a day in autumn and the bitter cold has already begun to be felt. But the young boy doesn’t seem to have any intention of leaving.

“Hey, boy! You are going to freeze here at this hour,” a voice is heard. It is Eunomus, the old guard of the fields that have recently been sewn. Eunomus comes close to the boy.

“Oh, you do look unhappy… What is the matter?”

The young man turns towards him.  Two tears can be seen shining in the twilight.

“Old man…” he falters and his voice is drowned by a sob. “Life is useless to me at this point. I’m a worthless man. I’m just a nobody…”

The old man shakes his head. “I don’t want to believe that. Man is a bottomless treasury of strength. But there are times, when an unexpected event can shake away whatever faith we have in ourselves. What was the event that made you form such a bad opinion about yourself?”

“It’s not a single event, as you call it, old man… but… how can I put it…. Well, just look at me!” The young boy gets up, showing the old man his feeble, delicate stature.

“Hm…” utters the old man, observing the young lad carefully. “As far as I can see, I don’t have an invalid before me!”

“But can’t you see my sickly body? Don’t you hear my speech, which is tangled by stuttering? My short breath, which stops me from uttering even a single sentence? You are not going to fool me, old man, and have me believe – like my teacher – that I am perfect and capable of everything!”

The old man keeps quiet for a while, biting his lips.

“Yes, you are right. You are a bit wiry. And it is true that your speech falters at times. But that’s nothing! Do you want to be a wrestler by any chance?”

“No.”

“An orator, perhaps?”

“Old man… the gods would punish me if I lied. I heard Callistratus deliver a speech to the public assembly one day. I heard the Athenians give him a standing ovation… I saw him shine among them, full of light, like an immortal… and, how can I put it… ever since that moment I’ve had nothing else in my mind, day and night, but how to be like him. A few days ago, I prepared a speech which I was going to deliver before the Athenians today, when I was to give the pledge of the adolescents… But the minute I took the floor and uttered the first few words, all my fellow-citizens started to mock me… I left fast and full of shame… I could hear their loud laughter behind me… I was humiliated!”

The old man stroked the young boy’s back and said: “Oh, you are such a child… So, you wanted to make the Athenians notice you and cheer you right from your first appearance? Do you have the impression that Callistratus made the Athenians hang from his lips from his very first speech?”

“But I am so weak, I stutter, my breath is so short…”

“Look here… Do you see how this rock has been totally consumed by the waves and is ready to fall into the sea?”

“I can see it.”

“Do you think that the waves did this to the rock by hitting it just once? They’ve been beating it incessantly and persistently for many years. How about you? Do you possess the perseverance and strong will of the waves?”

The young boy purses his lips. “Yes, I do!” he answers firmly.

“Then, throw way this sadness from your face! Try to make your lungs stronger. Take deep breaths, run fast uphill, attempt to pronounce difficult words full of the ‘r’ sound, with your mouth full of small, round pebbles, which you’ll place under your tongue. You will thus make it strong and agile. And, since you seem to be scared of crowds and you can’t stand listening to their sneering shouts, I advise you to come to this rock when nobody is around, and talk to the waves when they come foaming furiously towards the coast. Deliver your first speeches to them, secure in the knowledge that they will come rushing to throw themselves at the rock, in total indifference and possibly ready to hurl themselves at you with the intention of drowning you. It’s the same with the human crowd; you must get used to facing it when it comes rushing towards you, ready to devour you. Don’t get frightened, my good lad. The battle is won only by those who persevere. And now… it’s time for you to go home, because it’s getting late. Listen to my words, if you wish, and you won’t regret it.” And then he gave him a friendly push towards Athens.

“Old man,” the lad says touched, “if things are as you say, I swear by the gods, that nothing will be able to stop me from climbing the steep road you have traced for me.”

“Yes, nothing…” answers the old man. “By the way, I never asked you your name.”

“Demosthenes.”

 “May the gods give you strength, my boy…”

Demosthenes begins his hard training early the next morning. He runs uphill to strengthen his body and his breathing. He soon touches his chest… it is aching. His heart is ready to fly away, to get out of his body! He feels dizzy… he can barely stand. His legs are trembling. He sits on a rock. He sees his old teacher walk up panting, anxious about his health… and he decides to wait for him.

“What are you doing to me today, my boy?” he says totally out of breath, as he approaches the rock. “But you... you look as though you are ready to collapse!”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” says Demosthenes. “Today is just the beginning…. And like all beginnings, it’s difficult”.

“But what you are doing could kill you! You are so weak…” And saying this, he throws a coat over Demosthenes’ shoulders.

“That’s exactly what I want to combat! What good is it if I’m a useless person, unable to serve even myself? I can carry my own coat and wear it when I stop. I can’t keep on watching Lycabettus hill from afar and being unable to put my foot on it!” Saying this, he gets right up.

“You stay there,” he tells the old man, “and I’ll have another go to reach the top”. He takes off his coat and dashes off in the direction of the steep slope.

“Oh, youth! What force hides within you…”

After this, the same routine is repeated every morning. The old man watches from a distance, as the lad strides uphill with greater ease and speed each day. And as he invariably returns with cheeks flushed, the old man taking pride in him, embraces and kisses him. They then go home together, where Demosthenes throws himself into his books, reading and writing away. He has already copied Thucydides’ historical treatise eight times, in an effort to gain historical knowledge, and learn to speak and write well.

Then, later in the day, as the sun begins its descent, he sets off for Phaleron, especially when the southerly winds are blowing, and talks for hours to the frothing waves, with his mouth full of small, round pebbles that he has collected from the beach.

“It’s Demosthenes! Demosthenes will speak!”

The Athenians dash off to Pnyx, gather around him, holding their breath in great anticipation. Before them no longer stands the scrawny, defective adolescent that once upon a time they treated with disdain, but an experienced, passionate orator, an unbeatable master of speech, the equal of whom they’ve never listened to before. His fiery words fly out of his mouth like thunder:

“Citizens of Athens!”

And Demosthenes, stands fearless before the crowd, captivating it, enrapturing it, breathing life into it, elevating it to unprecedented heights. Perseverance has given birth to a miracle!

 

 

[1] Educare magazine 8, 2014, Institute of Sathya Sai Education of South Europe

[2] Margaret Taplin & Anita Devi, To Teach not to Punish, 2014, Institute of Sathya Sai Education, Thailand

[3] Bruno Bettelheim, Punishment versus Discipline, 1985, The Atlantic Monthly